The expectation of Valentine's Day, is for romance... and it's hard to romance yourself...
The precious, singular, secret, sparkly, solitary joys that accompany a life Alone are not the same as sharing love with Another...
Sometimes, I get caught up in waiting for someone to say:"be my Valentine"...
but they never have...
So this Valentine's Day, I thought I should buy myself some flowers, to show myself I love myself anyway...
I felt ashamed....
I didn't buy myself anything special, because it felt I had failed... at being half of a couple... and at love...
What I still really want, is to be adored by Another... to be swept off my feet... to be valued and my affection prized...
I want to be loved wholeheartedly... unconditionally...
to be loved, simply because I am Me, and not for any special qualities I have, or anything I can contribute...
but I am not so loved....
I am Alone...
and it's not through failure... it is a circumstance...
The confused Child Within must learn that being One of Two does not prove my worth as a person...
Alone means I can adore being Me...
I feel romantic alone - I don't need to "surprise" myself with gifts!
I'm always here to keep myself company - I never stand myself up!
Alone, I can love Me wholeheartedly - no strings attached!
... I'll always be Here for Me...
and You, Little Child Within, to whom being loved, means feeling safe...
that is all... X
on this so called day of love - (why is that, shouldn't every day be a day of love?) - may you feel the love of your creative community wrap around you like a warm fuzzy blanket, if everyone one of us is a flower, then you have the most amazing fragrant bunch of wild goodness in your life - I too know what it is to be alone on this day decreed for lovers - but it will not stop me loving, you, me, my tribe
ReplyDeleteBeautiful Kel... love is always the key, isn't it? Sending love across the oceans to you, who is such an inspiration. X
Delete(((Marigold))) I hear you! Valentine's day is just a made up day. Hubby and I don't celebrate it. Having a partner doesn't mean there is romance on that day. :) I wish it would go away altogether since it is just another day where people have too high expectations, where some are made to feel left out or less than, and where people work too hard to feel something and be something they are told to be and feel. It still sucks, though, I know. xxx
ReplyDeleteI guess all "Days" are made up, except for celestial events, like Equinox & Solstice... or changing tides & seasons... & I used to think it didn't matter that someone didn't pay me any romantic attention... but it did... so on Valentine's day, I applaud you for not allowing your hearts to be manipulated by advertisers... I wish you so much love and happiness every day.
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DeleteHi Marigold, I hear you, I have felt that way many times. A knight in shining armour to sweep me off my feet, to care for me as I will care for him.
ReplyDeleteI only wanted to be loved for being me...........I only ever wanted to feel someone will back me up, instead of being wishy washy spineless wonders. I back them, only if I ask for even the littlest thing, it has never been given or done. That has been most of my life.
Being an independent sod, I did all I ever needed for myself, and I began to love myself. Oh it would have been wonderful to have been loved as I had loved unconditionally forever. One day, it was not enough to have a one-sided love. I stopped giving, closing down, dying inside, this affected my garden,my children, my home and all. The lover/husband was forever angry and blaming me for stemming the flow of love, laughter and happiness............
It was the bestest thing I ever did. I could search for me, lost inside under all the covers, chucking off the heaviest, then peeling the gossimer veils. Oh, how magical <3
It took time and effort and I am still finding much I have hidden from me about myself. I love me, I love you, I love my children, grandchildren, the trees, birds and all in nature and the love is returned and felt and guides me through the times like Valentine's Day. I actually have no idea what it is to be truly loved by a husband or any male not related to me. And that is okay, I am okay and you know what; no matter what Marigold, you are okay as well. I gave myself a bar of organic chocolate today, only it wasn't the same as being gifted. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx <3